Questions and answers about working mom burnout

• How can alleviating burnout among moms help organizations?

Many moms who experience burnout end up changing their jobs, so employers risk losing valuable talent and experiencing the costs of rehiring. In particular, moms play an important role in supporting team well-being in organizations, unfortunately unpaid in 75% of companies, so if companies lose moms they will potentially have a greater increase in burnout and resignations in other employees. 

Moms, and in particular moms of color, bring resilience, creativity, innovation, and compassion to the workplace so having fewer women will reduce the collective intelligence of the workforce which is also related to profitability. Women run companies are 3x more profitable so burning moms out before they can lead is also going to impact the bottom line.

Investment in mental health has been shown to have significant return on investment, so any costs are recovered. But when employees are unwell healthcare costs and absenteeism rise and productivity reduces. 

I think companies are not weighing up these costs and benefits fully. Further when they don’t pay certain groups for the work they do, the cost is their employee’s mental and physical health. Which with burnout can be extreme. Burnout can include suicide ideation and a company and family does not want to risk that. These hidden costs must be brought to light.

• What are common causes of burnout among working moms?

Working moms can experience job burnout, caregiver burnout, parental burnout and emotional burnout. The conditions for job burnout include overwork, lack of autonomy, values conflicts, lack of reward and injustice. You can see if moms are not paid and promoted equally, evidence in the maternal wall and motherhood penalty, then they will experience many of the conditions for job burnout. 

Many moms these days are also caring for elderly parents, which adds strain. Parental burnout, when you do not enjoy your role as a parent, when you feel inadequate in the role and experience shame in this role,  is related to having a child with special needs, inequality in the home, and inability to ask for help. If the parenting and household tasks are not shared this can also impact how a mom presents at work and this trajectory can start early from lack of paternity leave. 

Emotional burnout may affect moms of color particularly, as they are repeatedly on the receiving end of racism and racial trauma and may be fearful for their child’s safety. 

Social expectations to be a superhero or martyr to motherhood, and the accompanying mom guilt, all contribute to this cauldron of feeling I am a bad mom, bad wife, and bad colleague. 

• What are your tips on how to prevent burnout when you're a very busy working mom

When you’re burned out your expectations have become unrealistic, you are over-thinking, over-giving, over-working and in over-drive. You can tell a mom to do less, but with the internal and external judgement that comes with that, it can be hard advice to follow. If you tell a mom to rest, whose self worth is tied up in being productive and needed, this is also hard advice to follow. Not to mention the incredible boundaries you have to set to create the possibility to do less and rest, and the help you might have to leverage to make it happen. 

But reducing your stressors and increasing your resources, even if that means paying for a laundry service, all help. Asking for help is also great advice, but not so easy to action if you are proudly self-reliant, and in an individualistic society like the US. 

While exercise and meditation can help you manage some stresses and give you a sense of control, they don’t change the environments that we work in. 

To me, the best way to start this process is to get coaching. Your employer can subsidize this because again there is proven ROI. A coach will give you perspective to set reasonable expectations and permission to let go of unreasonable stressors and to take a break. They will also help you communicate your needs and set boundaries more effectively. 

In particular, you have to start paying attention to when you say yes without realizing it. And if you do group coaching with other moms you can see that your behaviors are normal and you are not alone. 

This biggest thing I suggest moms give up is any unpaid office work. It doesn’t help your career and is adding to your burden.

Realizing there are things you can do is empowering, but also realizing that you are not to blame for this mess that is working motherhood hopefully will help you have more self compassion. 

And for moms who are not feeling fulfilled in their role, joining other women in advocating for better working conditions for moms can be rewarding, if you have rested first.