Sometimes we need to parent ourselves or get mothered to get where we want to go

Becca Carnahan the author of ‘When Mommy Grows Up’ is a mom first and being a mom is suffused into her work, in a funny way. She takes all the ridiculous lessons we experience and dish out as a mom and turns them into lessons we can apply to find more fulfillment in our work. So many “woo woo” career books that tell you to ‘do what you love’, without telling you how to tap into that thing you have suppressed because you are serving everyone else first. Becca helps you how you can find what you love through creative exercises and by considering what wardrobe you want to wear – sweats thanks! Her advice is for moms who are already stretched. And it takes a very practical mom approach, let’s do the minimal but most focused items to keep all the balls juggling.

I found Becca as a coach because I was looking for funny working mom quotes that might help me find my business name. I wanted to weave some humor into my business name, or at least convey my cheeky approach to life. (I even paid a comedic writer to help me, which showed me funny was possible, but I still couldn’t find the perfect name…) I had already started to embrace my wish to be funny through improv and stand up comedy classes, so I was inspired by Becca’s humorous take on career advice for working moms. From there I signed up for her weekly newsletter and one day her letter made me laugh so hard that I wanted to just spend time with this woman: “Well behaved women seldom make history. Or wait the full 10 minutes for the oven to pre-heat”. That was me! I just adjust the cooking time based on knowing the oven isn’t up to temperature yet. If I waited till the oven was pre-heated as instructed, I would probably forget to put the dinner in there and be wondering 30 minutes later why I could not smell the success of another cooked family dinner.

I wanted to spend time with someone who could see the funny in life and I needed career help. I had come up with a business idea, that seemed so long in coming to me. I had even stepped into social media which was beyond my comfort zone. But I had experienced such anxiety in the process I had turned tail and run out the imaginary room screaming. When I landed at Becca’s door I was like a child, in tears and gasping for breath. Like a mother, she was calm and focused on the practical steps I needed to keep making some progress in the right direction without getting overwhelmed. I think my child-like response was because I had never experienced this lack of confidence before in my life, well, at least not since choosing my university degree. All through my post graduate studies and career as a public health professor I had been confident in my ability. My burnout experience, however, had left me feeling the emotions and anxiety of a teenager again.

I don’t often believe in serendipity, but with Becca I discovered that I wanted to write a book at the same time as realizing she had just published ‘When mommy grows up’. Instead of her advising me on my business idea that was provoking so much anxiety and that, while an inspiring idea, was highly impractical and unmatched to my skillset (hence the anxiety), she advised me on writing a book proposal and on finding a comfortable space on LinkedIn. She had very practical advice, and helped me set clear, progressive goals. She taught me to use my early mornings to be productive and to find a comfortable identity for myself in the burnout world, not as an expert per se, but as a survivor.

So, I read her book from the perspective of being a budding author looking for a role model and being a mom trying to juggle looking after the kids and household, bringing in an income, and still wanting to have time to pursue my passion on the side. Like Becca, I want to infuse the book I am writing with humor. My humor comes from my inner critic, my witch. She says mean things, which when you actually say them aloud you realize are shockingly funny. Becca’s book ‘When Mommy grows up’ includes funny stories from her kids and her parenting that illustrate points she is making about career choices and career development activities. Each chapter is guided by what sometimes seems like ‘useless’ parenting advice - ‘use your words’, ‘try your best’, ‘money doesn’t grow on trees’, ‘if everyone jumped off the bridge would you?’ - but which are in fact provide solid grounding for a practical approach to finding more fulfillment in your current job, finding what new career might work, and starting to incorporate that new identity into your life. Given how anxiety provoking career choices can be, and given how stressed we are as moms, and how focused we are on our kids, Becca’s humor not only lightens the load, but it also helps you see that finding a career is not so different from parenting. 

As I read the book, I was also able to check where I was at with my own thinking. While I had been doing much of the work she recommends in the book already, having a comprehensive check list and reminder to stay on track was helpful. At the end of each chapter are valuable homework questions. In particular, Becca illustrates her points through describing her own journey in crafting her job into being a job that included all the elements she was seeking, humor, writing, career advice. She took classes and learned about coaching within her current position, so that it not only developed her skills for that role, but also set her up to be able to become a coach, independently. She exemplifies the bravery it takes to follow your heart, despite all the demands of working motherhood. She breaks the steps down, helps you take time to breathe to be able to hear yourself think for a minute, and keeps you focused on small achievable steps, that with her communication style end up feeling like just the right sized baby steps you need to proceed without succumbing to teenage tantrums.