S2 E24: Re-imagining power in corporate America in a healthy way (Bonus Episode)
with leader, speaker and author Deepa Purushothaman
Key Takeways
I actually find that the process of sitting and really what would you do if you didn't do this job? What would you do if you could write a life that you want to write? What would you do if you wanted to end this chapter of what you are doing? Writing those kinds of things in the format of a work obituary can be really helpful.
I had fought so hard to get to the partnership. It was something that I really had desired and to get there and to sit in the seat and to walk away from it, once you've sacrificed so much to get to this destination was a really fascinating process. I also called it my work obituary, because it felt like my entire identity. I think for a lot of us work has taken up a really big space in our life. And I really had tied it to success and worth and a lot of things.
I think there was some shame around the fact that work was my whole identity, and although I was successful, I think people would look at me and say that's great, but what else do you have? Or what else do you do? Or what else do you want? And I think I was sorting through that. And so for me asking those bigger questions was a pretty painful process to realize it was such a big part of my life.
I worked really hard, and I think I made all my milestones very quickly. I was on every fast track and every shortlist Even within the partnership, I was moving very quickly and I don't know that I ever looked at the cost of that. I just kept pushing myself because I could. A lot of how you're trained in jobs like this that are high performance jobs is that you're an elite athlete almost. And so you learn how to modulate what you need, your sleep, your eating to perform better.
I think for women of color and even for myself that the conversations around race and how we're actually admitting that race shows up at work and shows up in other places, I think we're finally feeling our feelings in our body. And as a result, we are having physical manifestations and wanting to process all of that energy and all of that discontent in certain ways. And so I think that's what's showing up and that's what showed up for me, but I didn't know it at the time.
There's so much confusion out there about not paying attention to what our bodies are telling us. That performance trumps taking care of ourselves or listening to ourselves. And I think that's a lot of what my message is now is that we know when we're pushing hard, but we live in a society where we're rewarded for ignoring it. And I think as women and women of color, we can't do that anymore.
Women are burnt out and women of color are traumatized. And I think we're trying to put different language to the experience. I think most women of color would tell you that racism always existed, but we weren't encouraged to talk about it. And there was a lot of denial that it was happening. One of the main points of my book is that corporate America is not a meritocracy. It does show up differently for different of us. And it's okay to talk about that. Cause if we don't talk about it, we can't change it.
I think what I'm seeing with the women of color I met, and I interviewed over 500 women of color to write the book, is that they are facing such a high level of microaggressions of racism, of feeling like they don't belong of having really unrealistic expectations put on them, of extra jobs and extra culture building activities they're taking on. And there's never been space to talk about before.
I am also realizing in my work is, there is a body of work to name it. And then there's a body of work to process it and feel it and let it go from your body. And that's a lot of what I think causes trauma and causes illness. But the most surprising thing I found in my research of these 500 women is almost all of them were sick.
And these women were really suffering. And I think a lot of it comes down to being in structures where they don't feel fully seen and heard. And as a result of that, their bodies are acting up and telling them they don't belong there. Similar to what mine did, but we don't talk about it. So I think that's the difference.
I think we're at a state where everyone is burnt out. But I think what I'm seeing with the women of color, because of the microaggressions, because of the racism, because of the extra work, because of the inequities that exist in the system around pay and promotion, all the other things, there's a different level that is until now been unseen or not talked about that we're finally starting to talk about. And as a result, I think we're feeling different feelings and historical feelings that we've never been able to feel.
I thought I was writing the book for women of color. I wanted to write a book that I hadn't seen, growing up in America and growing up in corporate spaces. And I wanted to have the book that I wish I had when I was younger. And so I was very intentional about writing it for women of color it's in our voice. It tells our story. There's hundreds of stories in the book and I really tried to show the variety of women of color and what we're facing. And so it's been fascinating because so far the early feedback is that it's really landing for non women of color in a very deep way. That wasn't who I had in mind when I was writing it. So that's been surprising and amazing.
I think what I'm really trying to show in my takeaway or my ask of white allies who I call co-conspirators is I need us to not be bystanders anymore, that we all have to lean into changing the system. Doing the work to understand that the system is not a meritocracy and it's hearing the stories and being open to the experiences are different. Because if we continue to believe the system is neutral or shows up the same for all of us, there's no reason to change it. So I think that's probably number one and understanding what's different for us is really part of that process.
Don't put all of the work on women of color. So I tell women of color practice what you're going to say when someone says something. Because it will absolutely happen to you, but I think what I'm realizing is I want allies to do the same because you're going to be in the same experience. So what are you going to say? Cause it's not easy. And so how are you going to really step in and not be that bystander, but really take action.
I'm talking about work that company cultures have to do and also the structure. And the structure part is a part we don't talk about, because we just leave it as this agnostic sort of system or structure that doesn't have any impact. And what I'm saying is we have to look at that. We have to really talk about that. And that's where the harder work is. And until very recently, you couldn't talk about corporate America and its flaws that wasn't allowed. And so now that we're maybe having permission to talk about it, I think this is one of the first books that's laying out the flaws and asking us to reconsider and reimagine.
My book is about women of color, but I think the concepts in it and the structure, the struggles we're having around work pertain to women and mothers, and even a lot of the white men that are my peers. I think it's also a generational. I think people my age and younger want different out of work and the system doesn't allow for that. So how do we re-imagine, the structure, that system so it makes sense for all of us. We're working to make our lives work, but we've ended up in a system where we're making our lives fit our work, and that feels really opposite or backwards to me.
I think one of the things that I really have learned in the negotiation work that I've done. And now in interviewing all these women of color is that we're really taught to stay longer than we should as a group. We're taught to stay because you got the seat at the table or you should to be thankful that there's an opportunity for you. A lot of immigrant women are taught culturally, security and stability, our family sacrificed so much for us to get here. We have to honor the, seat not make waves or being noisy.
So what I'm asking women of color and even women to do is just really look around. Not every company is women of color friendly or women friendly or mom friendly, and it's okay to make choices on that. It's okay to ask different questions. Sometimes you might not be able to because the paycheck is important or, there's other reasons why you stay.
And there's a phrase that's a Sanskrit phase in the book where I talk about true health is stepping into your own. And I think those ideas have been separated for so long. And how can we be successful if we're not healthy, if we're not feeling burnt out, if we're not happy. And I think that's really the connection that I'm trying to make. I sat in a seat of power, but I was struggling. That's probably not real power. And if sitting in the seat is what we define as power. My whole point is I think that the definition is broken.
I think the thing that's changed at a really conceptual level is I was using other people's playbooks. Because when you're in a company or when you're in a culture, their definition of success becomes what you strive towards. I think in my new work, I've really done a lot of work for myself and which is why now I can help other women do it for themselves. It's really figuring out for ourselves what's important? What makes you feel healthy? What makes you feel successful? And that new playbook is what I'm bringing to the women I work with.
I tell them to listen to their gut. I think we know when we're in situations that are uncomfortable or someone has said something inappropriate, but I think as women and women of color, we're often taught to ignore that feeling, just let it go. Or it's not really that bad.. We know we have such great intuition and somehow in business we've been taught that intuition is a secondary trait. And I think I'm asking us to bring that back. Moms have that more than anybody. And so let's lean into that and use that and listen to that feeling when it comes up and act on it.
I think the main thing that I want listeners to know is that there is work we all have to do for ourselves. Whether you're a woman of color, a mom, a man whoever you are, parents, there is work that you have to do for yourself to figure out what health and success meaning is for you. And that's the power of me. I think there's also community and conversations you have with others, if we're going to change structures and really push on bigger concepts, like the role work is going to take in our lives and that's the power of we. We have to do both of those pieces of work and we have to find community. The structure work is hard and you need to do the work on you, and then you need to find others to do the work together.
Bio
About Deepa Purushothaman [per-shot-a-man]
AUTHOR | LEADER | SPEAKER
Deepa Purushothaman was a “first” senior partner at Deloitte, where she spent more than 20 years focusing on women’s leadership and inclusion strategies to help women of color navigate corporate structures. She was the first Indian-American woman and one of the youngest people to make Partner in the firm's history.
After leaving Deloitte in 2020, Deepa co-founded nFormation, a membership-based community for professional women of color, offering brave, safe, new space and helping place women of color in C-suite positions and on Boards.
Deepa’s book The First, The Few, The Only: How Women of Color Can Redefine Power in Corporate America, published by HarperCollins comes out March 1, 2022. She is also a Women and Public Policy Program Leader in Practice at the Harvard Kennedy School where she concentrates on research to combat systemic racism in corporate structures to help women of color rise.
Deepa is a founding board member of Avasara, India's first leadership academy exclusively for young women. She has degrees from Wellesley College, Harvard Kennedy School, and the London School of Economics. She lives in Los Angeles.
Links to Additional Resources
