S2 E31: Choosing what you want to BE on your burnout journey
with freedom coach Stephanie Chick
Key Takeways
So I think my whole journey has been about listening to that inner voice that is always giving you guidance on the next step that you need to take and being courageous enough, being surrendered enough to go wherever it leads. And it led me to my calling and my purpose in life. So to me, there's always a benefit of heeding the guidance that you get from that voice within.
When I think about my burnout, it really was a spiritual drought. It wasn't about the fact that I wasn't successful. I was extremely successful inside corporate America. But what was missing that tug, that itch that I talked about earlier was meaning and fulfillment. I want it to have both. I wanted to achieve success, but I also wanted to feel fulfillment when I came into work every day.
I just didn't even feel good inside of my body. I felt some panic attacks and my skin was itching. All these things that are trying to alert you, that something is amiss. And then I get on the plane and I start to feel this, these chest pains. It was on my way home where I hit the wall. And I am bawling. I can barely see the road in front of me. I'm crying. So uncontrollably, because I know that this is just not where I'm supposed to be. I even pull over to the side of the road. I call my best friend and I'm just sobbing. And in between all the sobs, I'm just like, I don't know, but this isn't it. And she's like you've got to look within Steph. You got to figure out what's going to make you happy and what's going to be fulfilling for you.
I wanted to take a picture at the moment that I knew that I wanted to break free. And that started me on my road to healing and recovery and finding my calling is to actually see myself clearly who I was in that moment. And that was the person that I knew that I wasn't. I was that's not me. And I've got to go find Stephanie.
It's not about there's anything wrong with success, but you don't want to be in someone else's version of success. That was really what was causing all of the physical symptoms and all of the feelings of depression and just disconnectedness. It wasn't my version of success.
I'm always trying to find the gift in the garbage. And so that moment, this horrific picture that I actually use it on my website. I use it in speaking engagements so that people can see the before and after and see that there is a way out of the burnout, but the thing is the gift is that it woke me up. It shook me at my very core. And what the gift is, is that going forward, what I've always taken with me is that anything that disturbs my spirit is a gift. It sounds the alarm. It says the path that you are on, it's not it and choose. Choose what you want for your life.
Between stimulus and response, there lies a space and in that space lies our power to choose. To choose our happiness and that has guided me every step of the way. Is that no matter how dire the situation, I know that I have the power of choice and it isn't that choice won't come with consequences and challenges and all of that. But even in all of those things, the secondary things that come along after choice, I have choice in that too. And that is empowering to know that you can be in control of your destiny moment by moment.
The power of choice is that you're not stuck in choice. And it gives you the freedom to explore, to experience everything. Because you know that at any moment, if it doesn't feel correct within your soul, you can choose differently. That's what happened to me. When I looked at myself in the mirror, I said, I choose to have a life in full alignment with what my soul is desiring a life that brings me fulfillment and success. That brings me purpose. And once I got grounded in that, I've never, ever looked back.
So doing has a beginning and an end date. Like I do the dishes, I do a presentation and that's how most people look at, walking through life. It's what do I need to do? What do I have to get started? And when is it going to be finished? And I don't look at life from that vantage point. It's a being place, which is a place that is never ending. It is always on. It's always evolving. You are always embodying the vision that you have for your life and you eagerly await it to unfold. So the moment that I decided that I want it to be me and I want it to break free, the being began and it has never ended. There's just different iterations of it, but it's still me blossoming.
Most people are wishy-washy about their choices. Yeah. I'll make a choice. If it's going to be comfortable, it's not going to cause any stress on my family or my relationship. When I made that choice and surrendered to it, I was also surrendering to whatever was going to be required of me to stay in that place for the rest of my life. And sometimes the burnout is a by-product of the fact that we won't stay committed to the choice that gets us out of the burnout.
Most of my clients come from corporate America only because I know their world. They usually come to me because they are bound by something. Relationships. A lot of them obviously unfulfilling work. They too want to have more meaning and more fulfillment in the work that they're doing. Maybe there've been past mistakes that they've had in their lives. They're unhappy. They have attachments, they have fear, but there is something that is enslaving them. And they want to break free and they don't know how to do it. The way you behave keeps you enslaved every day, you are facing opportunities, challenges, situations in your life. And the way that you respond to these everyday life experiences will either enslave you or liberate you.
So the seven behaviors for living free is: be truthful, be courageous, be detached, be loving, be faithful, be still and be happy. Through my own personal journey, as well as working with my clients, what became apparent to me, these were the behaviors that were liberating them that were putting them on the path that they really wanted to be on.
That's the difference between being and doing. What being means is that you are going to embody this behavior no matter where you are, what you're doing or who you are with, you don't turn off the spicket because you're sitting with your boss. You're doing it when it's convenient, when it's optimal, when it doesn't cause you to shake in your pants, like that's doing the behavior and that's not going to set you free.
In some cases, the truth is I don't want to leave. I just want things to be better. And in some cases for me, I stayed for two more years after I got on this path. But then I realized I wanted a bigger platform that I had more people to serve beyond the people inside the company I was working for. And I wanted the freedom to be able to do that. I'd say probably three quarters of the people that I coach, they don't leave, but they become much better where they are.
The workplace has to be a win-win value proposition, not a win lose. It can not be all about the employee and it cannot be all about the company. Both needs and interests. It's not let me force this on you because this is what I want to do, but it doesn't resonate for you as a need. And so that's what I really want for companies. And for individuals is to see each other. We've got to come to the table and understand each other's wants and needs and find the common ground.
Oftentimes employees don't feel seen and that it matters what matters to them. There's a beautiful African Zulu phrase called "Sawa bona" and it means I see you. I exist and that's actually how they greet one another. It's not. Hi. Hello. It's Sawa bona. I see you. We all want to be seen. Companies want their prospective customers to see them to see their added value. So does employees. It's the most powerful thing that we can do for each other. Just see each other.
Bio
Stephanie coaches her clients on how to live FREE—professionally and personally. She is the visionary creator of 7 BEhaviors®, a powerful daily practice that teaches you how to break free from problems and fears, and freely pursue your true desires and dreams. Stephanie’s mission is to help you liberate your mind, heart, and soul so you can reach your highest potential.
Stephanie is an inspiring, results-focused professional coach. Her coaching insights have been featured in BusinessWeek, Essence, Black Enterprise, Harvard Business Online, Diversity, Inc., and Huffington Post. Stephanie is the author of Deliver the Package: Simple truths to help you set your genius free. The book shares simple yet significant truths to help employees set their genius free—at work and in life.
Stephanie’s varied clients include corporate executives at companies such as Xerox, Pepsi, HP, IBM, American Express, Articulate, Deutsche Bank, Disney, Time Warner, Razorfish, Mozilla, Intel, Solar Turbines, Cisco, and the American Heart Association. Prior to becoming a coach, Stephanie held senior management positions at IBM and HP in sales, business development, and marketing.
Stephanie resides in San Diego, CA with her husband of 32 years, Donald.
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