S3 E47: Developing psychological safety to prevent burnout
with leadership expert and podcast host Laura Knights
Key Takeways
I don't say this proudly, but it is part of my story that I am a recovering workaholic and part of my journey when I think of my spiritual and my emotional journey really came into, I was the kid that wanted to be the best in everything. My parents really cultivated that, but they didn't force it on me. And I've done a lot of reflection about that. I really think that was a thing. Maybe it was a personality thing. Talk about overachiever.
But after I had my daughter, I think I had a bit of an identity crisis. I was so used to just going at a hundred and being the best at everything. And they had really become a part of my identity. And that served me quite a bit in my professional career. But once I had a kid it made me start to really question or separate my identity from my achievement. I had never had those thoughts before that, who I was and my worthiness and my contribution was not predicated on how much I achieved.
But even though I had all these supportive people around me, my husband, friends and family, I was not really speaking up about that experience. Cos again, the identity thing came up, right? You are the one that has it together. How are you having this experience? I'm questioning myself much more on the other side of motherhood than I think I was before.
When I think about one experience where I do think I really felt burnout in my body. I had a lot going on at the time. I was a caretaker for my father for about six months before his death. And so that period was really a game changer for me. I had some gifts that came from it, but I also had some struggles that came from it. And then at the time my daughter was three. And then a whole spouse and partner that you want to connect with as well, and so there was just a lot of pressure at the time. And I think I was just in survival mode
It was also the scariest time in my life. So I feel like I emerge from that as almost fearless on the other side, it was like, if I could do all of this, oh my goodness. But there were definitely some scars while going into the process. And I think back to that time, often as a point of gratitude that I transitioned from that, but also to remind myself of what that felt like, and that I don't wanna feel like that again ever.
So I spend a lot of money, like paying people to help me with stuff. And even things like, making the decision to finally hire someone to help me clean my house and these things that culturally for me were like, who are you that you can't clean your own house? Like really giving myself grace around some of those things and then finding breaks where I can take some extended time. So I took a one month sabbatical in December to rest. And my goal is to move that to at least two months a year and to get to a three month block at some point as well.
We focus on mid career black women leaders and managers. Many of them are the "only" on their level of leadership. So it's a deep sense of isolation that they're experiencing in the workplace. Some of them are also experiencing, microaggressions and discrimination in the workplace. McKinsey and Lean In released the state of black women where they really brought it to the forefront with the data to show that, black women are having the worst time in corporate America.
And that there's an emotional toll that is taking on, being isolated sometimes, but not always knowing if it's a safe space to show some of the concerns you're having or to speak up or to ask for help. So some of the things that we've seen in our community and some of the activities we try to do is really give people a safe space to actually verbalize what they're experiencing.
All of our participants are very educated. They're not entry level. And we've had participants in our program that are really experiencing some emotional distress and they've never had therapy before and part of their leadership development plan, was literally an action step, find a therapist and having people say, wow, this is the first time that I feel empowered to say that. And not feel weak or not feel inadequate.
Burnout looks like the physical impacts. But we also see a lot of internalizing because, so we really talk about the importance of having mirrors. To validate your experience. And that's what part of the purpose was for Black Women Leading is that a lot of people are having these experiences and they are isolated. So they're not really sharing them. And they start to internalize that and say maybe I'm the problem. Or, maybe I just need to tough it up, these kind of things, and it's not until they're in a safe space and they start to speak out the experiences and they're having other people validating saying, you know what, that's not okay. That's when we see people starting to recognize what they're experiencing.
I think this COVID period and having your mortality in your face in a way that maybe it hasn't been before, is having people really reflect on, man what am I doing with my time? What am I doing at this job? I never really liked this environment. And really freeing them up to make major decisions that maybe they would not have made before.
We also know from the research that people who come from a marginalized community, whether by race or LGBTQ or whatever that community is, they already enter into the door of organizations with a lower level of psychological safety of trust, just because of the life circumstances, experiences. And then they come into organizations that may not be equipped to really provide that. And it's just like an extra weight on top.
DEI officer start out optimistic that here I am to implement these equity strategies And as they really start doing the true systemic work that needs to happen, they're met with a brick wall and so they don't get the resources, they don't get these executive level support and sponsorship. And that's on top of the experience they're already having as a marginalized person in the workplace. So I think what organizations have to do to support the efforts and therefore the mental health, is to really put resource money, support, executive stamp of approval, executive sponsorship verbalizing it from the C-suite down that these things that, our DEI team is working on is what is important. It meets the values of our organization.
And then I think also with these stigmatizing conversation around mental health in the workplace. I have seen organizations open to talking about burnout, resilience, mental health. It's always been a need, but we are seeing it show up in the workplace in ways that we have never before also, because the workplace is in people's homes now with the remote, there's not the boundaries that we used to have.
I've heard so many DEI professionals who come in as the expert and say, we gotta get our dashboard together and see where we even stand. And the resistance they get to really uncovering the true metrics is an indicator that again, you are not really invested in doing this real.
I think it's also the fear too, of leadership and really having to acknowledge that they are complicit in some of the failures. It's one thing to talk about the organization as another, but the organization is run by individuals. And so I think it's down even to our individual personal ability to really grapple with, things like privilege, things like, systemic oppression and racism, and to find ourselves in that whatever side of it you're on. I think that is a fear too, that is inherent in some of the resistance to doing the organizational work as well.
And what I've learned is that no matter the industry, the level of leadership that we all at the core are experiencing a lot of the same human emotions am I doing enough? And I think that has been refreshing. I've heard from the guests of people who have been beating themselves up. And I imagine moms your population experiences too. And then you listen and hear it's the human condition. It's all of us. It's all of us, nobody is inadequate. It's all of us.
I think one of the biggest things that an ally can do is really take ownership for their own learning. I've heard a lot of people, especially in this racial reckoning period we've been in, the exhaustion of trying to educate folks as a professional, but also sitting in the real lived experience and not always having the words or if you have the words, not always having the safety to really share intimately what that experience has been like for you. And so I think one of the powerful things allies can do is really take responsibility for their own learning and not put that responsibility on people of color or whoever the group is that you're an ally to educate you in that way.
I see sometimes with our community that hyper vigilance and holding onto control is because I'm already like trying to cross all the T's and dot the I's. I cannot afford for something to go bad. But if you're trying to move up the ladder you can't be in the weeds if you're trying to go to more of a strategic leadership. So I think of asking for help and that could, like I said, at work, be about delegating. It could be about asking for some additional resources that you need to get the work done at home. It could be back to that example of, asking your partner to share the load a little bit more, or even taking the step if you had the resources to do so, and doing the thing like asking the cleaning lady to come in and help you out.
And so I encourage you if it's about seeking out some help for yourself. If it's about advocating for yourself at work to think about these future healthy contributing adults that are looking at you and learning from your example and let that be part of your inspiration, Whether at work your mental wellness, your self care, your relationships, whatever that is, pull on that, what would you want your healthy contributing adult to be and do, and see you doing.
Bio
Laura E. Knights, LCSW is an executive coach, speaker, facilitator, and licensed clinical social worker with 18+ years of experience creating personal and professional development programs that have touched leaders all over the world. Her expertise and background in business, human resources, adult education, and social work uniquely equip her to teach others how to deal with both the "head work" and "heart work" required to succeed at work and in life. Laura is the creator of the Black Woman Leading® program and podcast, and the Founder and CEO for Knights Consulting LLC, a leadership development consultancy that provides customized training and coaching programs to organizations to create more confident leaders and high performing teams. Laura is a teacher and master strategist at heart. With all her endeavors, she always aims to fulfill her WHY —To educate and empower people so that they can uncover their full potential, walk boldly in it, and create their own legacy.
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