S4 E71: Communicating to share the load
with podcast host and Dad Art Eddy
Key Takeways
I wanted to be there for the ultrasounds, I wanted to be there for certain important events before she was born. And I was just like, this is not conducive to our schedule. So I left the city and I worked at the radio station and I was able to work from home, which was great. When my second daughter came, it was the point where, one of us should probably be the full stay-at-home parent, and she works in the medical device field. I work in radio and we're like, all right, which one's more secure? We'll go with the medical device. So I became the, the stay-at-home dad.
Why don't we show that men or women can do whatever they want? I never had the idea of being the stay-at-home dad. But that parlayed into a great field of working in the parenting space. I found my groove in the parenting world, and then I started my own thing at the Art of Fatherhood.
I was the youngest of three and being the only boy, you saw certain things and challenges that women went through and that's why I made it seamless for my wife. I've written many articles about just the experience of being the odd person out when the norms is having moms stay at home instead of the dads. My wife can share with our daughters about her experience in the workforce. And I can share my experience about being the odd person out in the at home parent circles, which for the most part is moms.
I created the Art of Fatherhood, just for a place for dads to talk about their feelings and yes whether it's, ALIST sports stars or celebrities or CEOs, Bringing down to a level that everybody, the every dad can relate to. I do a dad's doing it right article every Tuesday, just showcasing dads and like whether it's a podcast, whether it's a blog, whether it's just books or something that, hey, you might not know that this dad is out here or this, these groups of dads are out there to be support systems for you. Just bring everybody into the realm of fatherhood, seeing it from all sides.
I have a bunch of different dads on just sharing all sides of their fatherhood journey, and it's just to the point where everyone belongs. Everyone goes through certain things and everyone experiences these different things, and that's a great way to see the forest through the trees and be like, oh, I might not have experienced this, but I should be more open and more sympathetic to it.
I remember my wife threw me a 40th birthday party, and I'm a clean freak that I inherited from my mom. Towards the end of the party, I'm like cleaning things up and everyone's stop doing that. I'm like we're just sitting around talking. I just feel like we need to do something right. So there's a certain signs and it's great to have kids cuz they point that out dad, you need to chill. Can you just relax with us for a second?
During the pandemic, my wife and I both started having burnout. We needed to find ways to do things, and we found doing activities like cooking with our family. Our daughters, they'd be surprising us sometimes and making us like date night dinners. The girls would eat first and then we would eat second and they would like decorate the table and have this theme. So our kids are such a great way for us, even though we stress out, there are times where they balance us and it's just relax.
So during the pandemic, I think because of other companies and other people, especially around the holidays, people were shutting down a couple days early. And that was great for me because I was all caught up on my content work, can't really do any of my marketing work right now, so I have to chill . So my kids, my wife, and just other factors that were forcing me to shut down helped .
You have to realize certain things that you might be thinking. Your employees are thinking the exact same thing. And if the boss is a man and he is a dad, there are a lot of things that, hopefully the things that he worries about that they can go to their employees and be like, Hey, this person might be worrying about the exact same thing. Maybe I should give Fridays off or a half a day.
And the people who are still maybe in charge is maybe the old white man who's I strapped up my bootstraps and I just kept on going and I walked uphill both ways in school with no shoes and that's how we did things. And you gotta do it too. Maybe that's not the answer.
You can in incentivize, you're gonna work these three days, so you're gonna get all this stuff done and the next two days you can have off, or we can give you more projects and you can have a bigger salary. That's gonna motivate people. Not everybody, but it's hey, they're recognizing me for what I'm doing. They appreciate my work, but you know what, this week my kids has a field trip. I can actually go on a Thursday now cause I got all my work done. Why don't I go do that? And so talk about a great work-life balance.
I think just remember those times you were putting in the grind and there would be certain days you could recharge your batteries. Stop the burnout. So hopefully you're working for someone who not just cares about the bottom line, but cares about the employees. I just think if there was more of let me put myself in my employee's shoes. It'd be a lot better.
Finds something that works for your family, but in that relationship you are showing equal parts of how much you're putting into it, as much as your partner is, because as your kids get older, they will see that. And you always want I don't care who my daughters end up with. I want them to see the relationship that I have with my wife being like, we gotta be there. We gotta step up. and make sure that we're all pulling our weight in in this relationship.
Just so you have your independent person, not just your relationship and you as a dad, you gotta make sure that you are charging your batteries on all parts of yourself. And once you get that routine down, once you and your family find the right groove, it'll go so much easier. And make sure you communicate with your spouse , and especially if you are having burnout., I'm sick and tired of making dinner this past week. Can you just do one of the things? Or maybe we, on the weekends, we meal prep for the whole week just so I can get some stuff done during the week and it's dinnertime and all other stuff. So be open. So get advice, try and get a routine down, and communicate, communicate, communicate.
You have to express your own guilt to your partner. Even if it's foolish guilt, you can still recognize it that you're going through it. And I say foolish in the sense of like you're worrying about it, but if you open up and you talk to someone in your family and you share that and they're like, you don't have to worry. You missed one doctor appointment out of 10 times you were there, your batting average is 90, like no one in the best in the Hall of Fame can bat over 500. So you're doing good.
I think it's l the Homer Simpson effect, right? Where it's like the idea of these dad. Look idiots, they might care, but all of a sudden they don't know what they're doing. Of course you're not gonna know what you're doing. I remember the first time I tried to change my my daughter's diaper when she was a newborn in the hospital. The nurse came and I'm trying, and I'm like, this is my daughter. She's on a changing table. I don't wanna break her. She's new, all this other stuff. And I was like being very gentle, all this other stuff. And she actually, the nurse hip checked me like, she's not gonna break . She's not a porcelain doll. You're not gonna break her. And she's this is how you do it.
You want him to do more, but the stuff he wants to do, you're not maybe letting him do. And then you also feel like, why don't I have some free time? Dads and moms should mostly be pre-emptive and be like, Hey, you had a long day, go get a Starbucks, go get your nails done, do whatever you can. Or even if it's you don't have to buy something, just go for a walk or a window shop or whatever you wanna do, or play a game on your phone, whatever it is, I'll take care of dinner, I'll take care of the bottle and all that other stuff. Just let the dads do stuff.
If you want to flip the coin and see how he may feel during the times you shouldn't change a diaper just yet until after the feeding and all that other stuff. Just think about the times you might get mansplained at work conference or this or that, or a business meeting or just at a meeting or you're going somewhere and the guy's you should just, you know how anger and like all the stuff you were feeling when someone mansplain to you, it's almost like mom splaining, there's mansplaining and there's mom splaining.
Hopefully in the future, especially cuz I have daughters, it'll be more accepting of women can do whatever they want. And it sounds like a women's anti-perspirant commercial, like women can do whatever they want, but it should be already that way. Like we're in 2022, and it's like there should be no issues on judging by like the color of your skin or your gender or how you identify. And I hope we get to a point where that stuff doesn't really need to be the focus and finding positive ways to encourage people to find their dreams and to find ways to like make themselves happy will be better. And I hope that the mentality of, I have a job, but that's not my identity, that's part of my identity, and that to me, would be the best thing I could, have for my daughters where they enjoy what they do. It's not all, it's doesn't make them who they are, but it's part of it.
Be more vocal, but in a positive way and not like a demanding way. Share your wants and desires about how you can contribute to the family. Show you can do as much and you're willing to do as much. Don't just be silent and be like, oh that's her role. She'll call me when she needs me. I'm on the bench right now when she calls okay, I'll be ready to do what you need. You got a honey-do list on the weekend. Great. No, don't do that. Just even take the kids out just go out to a park then go get a burger and fries. The biggest thing is just be vocal and share what you wanna do, and share how you want to help, and just get that great communication going so everybody's on the same page and no one feels taken for granted, and no one feels like they're not contributing enough.
Bio
Art Eddy and his wife, Jess are blessed with two daughters. Art has a passion for fatherhood and enjoys talking with other dads about their fatherhood journey. Art has created a few podcasts that focus on fatherhood. He has been responsible for securing over five hundred guests for a variety of platforms, including hundreds of A-List fathers throughout the pop culture, sports and business landscape.
In 2019 Art and his co-author, Jon Finkel wrote The Life of Dad book that was published by Simon & Schuster. He has been a featured writer, podcast host and producer and a host of Facebook Live shows on many platforms. His background is in Radio and Journalism. Art has worked in radio in New York City, New Jersey and New Hampshire.
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