Developing practices that move the needle as a manager

Humanity Works Better by Debbie Cohen & Kate Roeske-Zummer

I heard about Debbie Cohen and her book through a guest on my podcast, Stephanie Chick, a San Diego based life and leadership coach. The book Humanity Works Better by Debbie Cohen and Kate Roeske-Zummer is very clear in its organizational structure and principles. There are 5 practices that you can adopt and 4 mindset shifts that get you there. The book is full of everyday examples from corporate coaching clients who have worked with Debbie and Kate. These not only help you see how to create this change, but also remind you of the importance of having a coach to help you navigate the challenges of the workplace today. I believe that we would have much better leaders if we had more subsidized workplace coaching.

The 5 practices are: creating safety, working together, claiming values, owning your impact and daring not to know. The 4 mindset shifts are setting boundaries to show people in, navigating resistance, outcome creating, and meaningful connections. Other skills include three levels of listening and asking for help.

I particularly liked the exercise where you structure time for team members to witness each other, to tell each other what they see as their strengths. I see this as particularly important. In my research group, we would do monthly rewards voted on by the group, but I believe it left those not mentioned feeling like their work was not appreciated. I think creating rotating pairs who share how they see the other person not only encourages us to value what each person brings but allows us to experience being valued. Often as working mothers our efforts are not appreciated and we spend time beating ourselves up for not being good enough. Asking a friend or colleague to describe our strengths will not only help us value ourselves but enable us to more confidently own those skills and promote them to others. I recently described to my husband his strengths and he realized he had just lacked the words to describe them. And through conscious parenting, I try to reflect my kids’ strengths back to themselves even if it is to say to my daughter, I love how your questions are always so challenging!

But something about listening to this book and reflecting back on my experiences as a ‘manager’ made writing this blog hard. That navigating resistance, it is important, but not so easy. And that owing your impact is also an uncomfortable experience. I did not enjoy being a manager and did not think I was good at it. It was one of the reasons I burned out and left my job. The first management book I read after leaving to see what I could have done better made me realize the challenge of my situation. The role of a manager in an organization is to dedicate their attention to their teams’ success. As a research professor, I needed a research team to run studies, but the hiring system was project based and not designed for long term team success. Also I had other roles, being a teacher, being a mentor, and my promotion was not based on my abilities as a manager but my ability to write grants to secure funding and to write papers to disseminate results. None of this could happen without the team, but my strengths were as a scientist. There was always something ‘off’ about the team. Members of the measurement team resented the intervention team. Paid staff resented students. There was little trust despite our efforts at team building events and celebrations.

Debbie and Kate talk about the relationship between trust and productivity in their chapter creating safe spaces. And it makes sense to me, energy and engagement was lacking in those who lacked trust. They describe a trust exercise where team members align on either side of whether they trust inherently or earn trust. Even this basic division let participants learn how our assumption can get in the way of our relationships. Demonstrating caring leads to commitment and reciprocation. I cared deeply about my team, I felt I went above and beyond to consider their needs and aspirations and to try to secure long term funding so they could have steady employment not project based work. But maybe I didn’t demonstrate that caring in a way they valued. I tried positive affirmations and rewards. But maybe what they needed was quality time. My husband and I have learned our love languages and now much better understand what the other person needs to feel loved, and they are not the same.

Many books including Humanity Works Better recommend 360 reviews. When I did a 360 review, my academic peers and mentees thought I was doing an incredible job, but my staff expressed that I was a bad decision maker and volatile and my mentor thought I was emotionally immature. They thought I was a good role model for a balanced life. I was so hurt by the staff feedback given all the effort I was putting into their leadership development and team building. I was not good at receiving feedback and did not get curious at how I could be perceived so differently by different groups. My mentor was right I lacked emotional intelligence. But I also realized that my team had no idea how stressed I was and how many other tasks I had. I asked my manager to draw up a staff and project organization chart. She only represented a third of the projects I was involved in. My coach’s only advice was start saying no. I was disappointed I was not learning skills that would make me a better leader. I couldn’t see that doing too much was hampering my leadership. I didn’t share these burdens with my team because I already felt unavailable and didn’t want them to feel they couldn’t ask for help. But Debbie and Kate have many stories where sharing personal struggles helps teams understand each other better and removes barriers to collaboration.

If I had a do-over I would have owned my own value more, I am great at career development, inspiring others, creative and strategic thinking, evaluating impact and research methods. I would have set boundaries around how I could show up for the team, i.e. given my limitations how can I best support you? I would have asked what can we do less of to have more impact? This is what I now advise CEOs to do to prevent burnout. I didn’t allow myself to be human so I can see how my role modeling left little room for others to be human too.

I look forward to learning more from Debbie and Kate when I interview them for my podcast.