Guilt free creative time
Unicorn Space by Eve Rodsky
I enjoyed listening to Eve Rodsky’s Unicorn Space in preparation for an interview with her on my podcast Overcoming Work Mom Burnout. Eve’s first book FairPlay had been such an important part of my burnout journey. How could I do less parenting and managing the household and how could I persuade my husband to do more?
One of reasons I so enjoyed Unicorn Space was because many of the stories followed on from FairPlay describing the many other couples who were on the brink of separating because they had tried and ‘failed’ at FairPlay. The premise of FairPlay was excellent, no matter what you get paid your time is equally valuable as your partner’s. This was a huge mindset shift for me. And although Eve takes you through all the steps to playing the FairPlay cards with your partner, in my case it did not result in me having less cards in my hand. In fact, I collected one more, I was now the full time dog poo picker upper. It was a very low point. But through this process I learned that my husband didn’t want to do more tasks that he did not value as a parent nor did he want to be judged for his parenting style by me – ouch. And I realized it wasn’t that I needed him to do more tasks, since he struggled to remember or manage them, but rather I needed a break from tasks, from the kids, and I needed time away; a few hours each week or a longer period once a month. It was thanks to FairPlay that we found this solution that almost broke but, in the end, saved our marriage.
In FairPlay. Eve introduces the concept of Unicorn Space; time to do your own thing. She seemed less militant about Unicorn Space in FairPlay: I remember it being biking time for my husband and writing or improv comedy classes for me. In Unicorn Space, Eves describes this time as a creative pursuit with a result that is shared with others. The latter being more meaningful and therefore making the dedicated time more valuable and warranted.
You can tell every time Eve says the word Unicorn Space that her face lights up. She says the word with such joy, you can hear it through the audio recording. And she hates the word hobbies. But the biggest problem with the book is the title Unicorn Space. I’ve spoken to several women who loved her first book but are totally put off by the title Unicorn Space. It sounds frivolous, even though Eve’s definition demonstrates it is anything but. It also sounds privileged. Eve does an amazing job in the book arguing why both are wrong. She’s a lawyer after all. And many books on burnout describe having time for creativity, connection, and shared purpose as ways to recover from burnout. But I feel like the book could have been more focused if simply the title was Guilt-Free-Time.
Eve has two Unicorn Space activities; writing and hip hop. And she encourages a group of friends to embrace theirs. She takes us through examples of barriers and concerns from this group which are helpful and the details of her own struggles to set boundaries around her time are extremely useful because we all would love to carve out time but even if we get to that stage, keeping requests at bay is still a huge challenge with kids around. She describes how she burned a note with the word guilt written on it before she went on her first book tour, and how she put a post-it on her chest saying unavailable. She also describes her nerves at narrating her first book and how she took classes to prepare. These personal examples are funny and relatable. And her descriptions of the famous people who have had impact through their unicorn time were motivating and full of good examples that you could borrow from.
In the last part of her book, she describes how curiosity, connection and completion are important precursors to creativity. She describes trying to think of it less as I must finish this book I am writing and it must be perfect and more, I am writing a book, it won’t be perfect but it won’t be the only one I write so there will be room for growth to come. I think seeing these endeavors as a series rather than a one off is a good way to let go of perfection. And she takes you through the steps of finding the type of project that might match your values and how to face your fears.
I have found my Improv Comedy classes are a wonderful learning and growth opportunity. I learned to embrace mistakes and find the funny in them, I learned what I uniquely brought to a scene, and I learned to let go of controlling the outcome and really being present and listening to the other participants. We always do one or two shows per class and they are really fun. Like Eve, I also want to write a book. I am still struggling a little to see how that is a Unicorn Space activity, it meets all the criteria and clearly this was what Eve claimed as her space, but to me it seems more like work. And maybe that is where I am going wrong.
Eve has so much to bring to the world and you can feel the joy she has in sharing this process. If for no other reason than to hear about other people’s struggles setting boundaries and getting space for joy, give it a try, after all it’s just her term for Guilt-Free-Time.
